Broken Record

Making a decision is so scary. How many times have I really made this decision only to get bogged down. I understand that being healthy is a lifestyle and I understand how this should be just as important as bathing -- a daily thing no matter what. But when I look at the commitment that requires I see nursing school and daily "stuff" getting in the way. I can't. I keep waiting for a certain moment in my life when "its the right time." But I know that that day won't come because now is the right time. How do I make this decision and actually follow through? I really understand what kind of commitment this is to myself and I don't want to fail again. I'm not talking about one day kind of slip up, but completely abandon positive proactive steps towards a more healthy lifestyle. I fail myself all the time by never finishing things. Its this decision. A real decision. Not a "I'll try." I'm talking about ok no matter what I deserve to be higher on my priority list. I'm not sure if I have the discipline or the motivation. And when I do I end up losing it. It goes back to that decision. I feel safer not making that decision but in reality I see that I am also cheating myself. I feel like my life is too scattered and disorganized. Let me just take some time to clean things up and get prepared. Prepare. Is it an excuse to avoid making the decision? See this is the root of the matter. How would one prepare to make this decision? Buy the "right" foods? Clear room in my schedule? I think I need to look into making myself a priority in my life. Here is my shortened priority list right now:

1. God
2. Family/Friends
3. School
4. Job
5. Health

But it seems like 1, 2, and 3 switch places a lot. Right now my room and car is a mess. I haven't started working on all my French assignments or extra credit (like I planned). My grades are mediocre. I haven't filled my prescription for Ritalin yet. I have a couple books I started and I haven't finished. I haven't finished filling out the FAFSA yet. Where do I start? How am I supposed to make this decision when I can't even follow through with my other goals to make better grades, keep my room and car clean, stay on top of things, etc.? Decision. I haven't decided to do those things. I only fantasized over the ideal situation.