Dear Rick
I was thinking. (uh oh...)
Looking at your photo album. Your years at Freed and your loves. First, it unburies that regret, that pain from my semester at Freed. Despite that anxiety and depression ruined my first semester of college, I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed. Now, don't get me wrong. Moving to Alabama was an answer to many of my prayers. But still sometimes I wonder. And when I hear about your time at Freed or Bethany talks to me -- sometimes I wish I could go back and just see. Its like I missed out on something.
Now, when we flipped to Sarah's picture with you and the kids and you told me what one of her children said, "Will you marry mommy so you can be my daddy?" I just want to let you know that the pain in your eyes really stuck with me. I saw it once when we were talking about Joy. And I couldn't forget it. I really don't know what the purpose of this email is. Maybe just to let you know that when I see that you hurt it -- hurts me. I'm used to empathizing and sympathizing, but this was different. I found myself praying as I drove home that God would provide someone for you. It would be a horrible waste if you didn't get to spend the rest of your life with someone and share the intense love and passion that lives in your heart. I thought about all the people you impacted (mainly girls) with your love. And I felt privileged that I've had a chance to love you. And I feel like you deserve an apology. I haven't been treating you very nice lately. I guess its a part of me moving on -- feeling bitter -- but that's hardly an excuse. Its hard to accept things that don't seem fair. But hearing about your time in college and the years after to the present helped me to realize more than ever that I do have so much time (Lord willing). That if something doesn't work out right now the way I want it, doesn't mean that as time goes by and new people come into my life that I will not get to experience and give the intense love and passion that lives in my heart.
A couple years ago an older fellow fell in love with me. But I didn't return it. But his friendship was something that I fell on a lot at Freed and getting better in Alabama. I remember one day he really needed to talk to me. I knew what it was. He was going to tell me he loved me. But one thing he said to me I found myself recalling and applying to you. He said, "It will be a privilege to be able to be in heaven with you." I understood this, but not to the extent as I do now. See there are great things ahead. One day there won't be marrying or marriage in heaven and none of this falling in love with each other business. I smile to think that me, you, and some of those girls you fell in love with can be in heaven together with our Lord and be so happy. Rick, let's get to heaven.
Love,
Erin
Looking at your photo album. Your years at Freed and your loves. First, it unburies that regret, that pain from my semester at Freed. Despite that anxiety and depression ruined my first semester of college, I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed. Now, don't get me wrong. Moving to Alabama was an answer to many of my prayers. But still sometimes I wonder. And when I hear about your time at Freed or Bethany talks to me -- sometimes I wish I could go back and just see. Its like I missed out on something.
Now, when we flipped to Sarah's picture with you and the kids and you told me what one of her children said, "Will you marry mommy so you can be my daddy?" I just want to let you know that the pain in your eyes really stuck with me. I saw it once when we were talking about Joy. And I couldn't forget it. I really don't know what the purpose of this email is. Maybe just to let you know that when I see that you hurt it -- hurts me. I'm used to empathizing and sympathizing, but this was different. I found myself praying as I drove home that God would provide someone for you. It would be a horrible waste if you didn't get to spend the rest of your life with someone and share the intense love and passion that lives in your heart. I thought about all the people you impacted (mainly girls) with your love. And I felt privileged that I've had a chance to love you. And I feel like you deserve an apology. I haven't been treating you very nice lately. I guess its a part of me moving on -- feeling bitter -- but that's hardly an excuse. Its hard to accept things that don't seem fair. But hearing about your time in college and the years after to the present helped me to realize more than ever that I do have so much time (Lord willing). That if something doesn't work out right now the way I want it, doesn't mean that as time goes by and new people come into my life that I will not get to experience and give the intense love and passion that lives in my heart.
A couple years ago an older fellow fell in love with me. But I didn't return it. But his friendship was something that I fell on a lot at Freed and getting better in Alabama. I remember one day he really needed to talk to me. I knew what it was. He was going to tell me he loved me. But one thing he said to me I found myself recalling and applying to you. He said, "It will be a privilege to be able to be in heaven with you." I understood this, but not to the extent as I do now. See there are great things ahead. One day there won't be marrying or marriage in heaven and none of this falling in love with each other business. I smile to think that me, you, and some of those girls you fell in love with can be in heaven together with our Lord and be so happy. Rick, let's get to heaven.
Love,
Erin
posted by The Light Fantastic at
1:14 PM
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