It's Not Me -- It's My OCD

OCD is not something to be reconciled with. This particular episode has to do with Rick, his age, my attraction toward him, my past with Matt (ugh), self-consciousness, and doubt. There are 3 people that I know in person that have access to this blog and that is paralyzing me even more to sit down and get this off my chest. OCD is irrational. There is no getting past that. And trying to explain to someone how these irrational thoughts make me feel is purely frightening. Oh how I hate this monster. Relationships suffer, health declines, and life sucks.

Well, I am very glad that Jerry let me have his copy of Brain Lock. But you know what! This particular episode won't last. They never do. I know I have the tools to cope and get past this. Any new relationship that involves a guy in whom I am slightly attracted to triggers this. And just like every single episode, it ends up going away.