2 Hours of Sleep & 7 Hours of Clinicals

He must have gotten advice for Jason or something to back off. What else would explain his not calling, ignoring me, etc. Grr. Once again he has control. This makes me feel angry and desperate. I want to ask him if this is the case. And I want to get mad at him for not even telling me. I mean how is our friendship not "on the line" when he doesn't communicate and avoid me. I miss him terribly. I hate how he makes me feel vulnerable. He won't miss me if he already decided to back off. Our friendship feels like it is ending. It's too complicated. Dear God, please let him miss me as much as I do now. Help me to move on so that we can salvage some type of friendship. My heart is heavy. Thank-you for the comfort and guidance you have given me through loved ones. Please strengthen me so I can excel in the nursing program, that the pain doesn't hinder my progress. I don't think I can or want to cut him off completely. But something needs to change. That was the purpose of my letter yesterday. But he must have been thinking the same thing because he didn't sound too surprised after reading it. Was I supposed to read his mind and not be confused and hurt? I want to channel this huge waste of energy into nursing. I want to be active, hopefully be an Alabama officer. I want to pass my classes with flying colors. But right now I'm not all excited and motivated. I want to make at least the Dean's list shooting for the President's List. I want to receive the Nightingale Aware. Nevertheless, I need peace. This boy situation needs a solution and a resolution.