Better
Things have gotten a little better. My heart still aches at times. I just don't understand where this all came from. Normally, I would spend a moment here analyzing why my heart reacted so strongly Wednesday, but I won't. It just did. And now the feelings I have for him are unrequited.
This line in Micah's email me to really helped me: "Try to think over the span of your life, past, present, and future; and know that God is working throughout its span to bring you to where He wants." This got me thinking. Last summer I was involved with Jerry (for a month) and I knew that I wanted this guy. But it didn't work out partly because he "just wasn't that attracted to me." And now the summer of Rick is very similar. I mean its different and better in that we are close friends and that was established right off. But once again my attraction level is what hindered a possible relationship. And I know this could sound shallow, but I don't see it that way. Because I have noticed that I am not attracted to the bigger guy who is attracted to me and really sweet. I like those thin, average weight guys who are really sweet.
So maybe God is using Rick to prepare me for next summer's guy. I want to be more attractive, mainly physical. I'm pretty sure that I'm inwardly attractive. I've just go to portray this more to my physical appearance. Don't get me wrong. When all the factors (makeup, clothes, etc) come together I feel I look darn good. But my extra weight does a good job of burying my hotness!
So, I'll probably join Weight Watchers again (I've always had success in that) and take things one day at a time.
But inside I hope and pray that Rick is next summer's guy.
This line in Micah's email me to really helped me: "Try to think over the span of your life, past, present, and future; and know that God is working throughout its span to bring you to where He wants." This got me thinking. Last summer I was involved with Jerry (for a month) and I knew that I wanted this guy. But it didn't work out partly because he "just wasn't that attracted to me." And now the summer of Rick is very similar. I mean its different and better in that we are close friends and that was established right off. But once again my attraction level is what hindered a possible relationship. And I know this could sound shallow, but I don't see it that way. Because I have noticed that I am not attracted to the bigger guy who is attracted to me and really sweet. I like those thin, average weight guys who are really sweet.
So maybe God is using Rick to prepare me for next summer's guy. I want to be more attractive, mainly physical. I'm pretty sure that I'm inwardly attractive. I've just go to portray this more to my physical appearance. Don't get me wrong. When all the factors (makeup, clothes, etc) come together I feel I look darn good. But my extra weight does a good job of burying my hotness!
So, I'll probably join Weight Watchers again (I've always had success in that) and take things one day at a time.
But inside I hope and pray that Rick is next summer's guy.
posted by The Light Fantastic at
10:15 AM
2 Comments:
I can tell you have great faith and know that Jesus loves you no matter how you look, but if losing weight makes you feel better, then go for it. I will add you to my prayer list, too. I'm glad you are feeling better.
By
Unknown, at Friday, July 22, 2005 2:27:00 PM
I think that while Love is an important issue in our lives as humans, especially while we are young...You may be better off focusing your energies in other areas where you could be more effective in.
It seems you are a spiritual person with much to offer those around you.
Sex and Relationships, while to a certain degree we all want them and need it, is hardly worth the mental time and energy worrying about let alone the emotional drain.
It is hard to control our emotions. But in my opinion you would do well to learn the difference between a bodily biological response urging your mind to focus on certain things rather than your true self.
As humans we are animals. And as animals we have things called pheramones, small molecules that can trigger a huge response in certain people.
Life is about procreation. All living things on earth are driven to procreate.
So when you see a cute boy that for whatever irrational reason you all of a sudden think you are in love with just consider for a momment...
This guy has pheramones that attract you and its nature's way of trying to get you to procreate.
There is nothing wrong with raw sexuality and/or relationhips.
The danger IMO is when you let yourself get too wrapped up in it to the point where you loose focus on the things that really do matter.
I can tell you I have been in love at least 10 times and each time I thought it was "the one" and after each break up I thought "I'll never love again".
This is natural. Now some people, and perhaps even you, meet someone and spend the rest of their lives with them. But most of us go through several love experiences before we choose a permamnent mate.
Even then nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. Who knows how many people have affairs.
Often times when choosing a life partner it comes down to much more than just sex and physical attraction. Those things fade. Especially as we get older. You have to love someone for more than just what they look like or how good they are in bed.
Because you could be waking up in bed next to that person for the next 50 years, even when they are fat, old, and wrinkly, oy!
Love is indeed blind.
By
Anonymous, at Saturday, July 23, 2005 5:44:00 PM
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