Gmail

Rick,

I haven't been totally honest with you. This OCD episode has been about our friendship. But being completely honest about this is scary because I am attracted to you. And it seems any new relationship involving a guy I am the least bit attracted to triggers this. It is different (but still difficult) to talk about my irrational OCD thoughts to my girlfriends because they are female and I know exactly what will come of those kind of relationships. Being close with a guy is scary, even if it is just friendship. But if the guy is married or more considerably older then the idea of attraction is obsolete and thus "safer." But it isn't for you because you are single and yea older but not like way too older. So my mind in its irrational tendencies can really mess things up. I am very hesitant as to whether I should even send this to you, but this is honesty. I guess because it sounds so serious I fear how you will take this. The main point is this: its been a bit difficult to really be honest and open because of OCD thoughts making me anxious and feeling vulnerable. And the last thing I want to happen is for our friendship to stop growing. My anxiety has decreased in intensity, but it is still present. That's why I left. I felt unreal and needed a safe environment (safe as in a place I am used to and that is familiar) to sort out my thoughts. I know you will receive this nugget of honesty with compassion and understanding. I sincerely hope our friendship continues to grow.

Erin