Emotional Clarity

I showed Rick yesterday's Six Flag Exhuastion post. It was very hard to do. I left the library and sat outside while he read it. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. My heart oozed and ached. He came outside with all of our things and touched my arm saying, "Let's go to the car for privacy." I think somewhere lost in the mix of apprehension and a broken heart, I hoped he was going to kiss me and return the feelings. A split second moment of hope. Anyways no real resolution was reached. I could have been crying about some other guy I was in love with -- that's how he reacted. He knew I was hurting and wanted to comfort me. Odd, I know. He told me how he felt. He loves me. I'm his best friend. He would do anything for me. The chemistry isn't there. Yet, he felt it when he first saw me and one other time. Never really said there wasn't hope for something later, just sounded negative. He is willing to do anything to help me deal with this, including cutting off communication, but reassured me that that would indeed hurt him (contrary to what I may have been thinking). All during the painful confession he was touching me in some way and when I really started crying he took me in his arms.

I honestly have no clue what to do. I don't hurt right now, though. Maybe it was getting it out of my system to really talk about it with him. Talking with Dana also helped. I've enjoyed some personal alone time tonight. I've enjoyed it. Tomorrow is another day.