Crap Entry

I feel like writing. Not sure exactly about what. I guess I could go into the little situation that upset me a little last night. I'm afraid it would be silly to rehash that. Getting school work done is something I don't like to do. Still need to study anyways. Don't like the way this shirt looks on me. Did it shrink or did I get bigger? When will i get moving? Tired of being fat. The new job is a source of stress. As I go up the elevator, I try to shed the trepidation I usually feel for clinicals. This is a job. I still have to do the job right, but the only person who will make the experience uncomfortable is me. The nurse manager, the RNs, the LPNs, the other PCAs aren't measuring me as an instructor would. Yeah, giving a bath is difficult, but I can learn. Next time volunteer to do it instead of watching. Remember: merit-based! Sierra has been doing exactly what I wanted in someone to keep me accountable. She constantly reminds me of November when I weigh to see if I have lost 10lbs. But I have more than 10lbs to lose to be at 120lbs. I avoid the scale - knowing. Why do I sabotage myself?! I mean if I could just get on the freaking scale at least once a week I would be more aware and focused on developing healthy habits! But I always tell myself that I will have plenty of time to lose it before weigh time! Grr. Whatever. I probably won't achieve the goal just like all the other goals I never reached. I am a broken record.